Tuesday, February 24, 2015

How to Create Creative Content in 10 Not-So-Easy Steps.

( a metaphor for your current shitty content)

Here it isI finally reveal the secrets that every good traditional ad creative knows about the mysterious "concepting" process. For goddamn free. (LINK, on Digiday).


Thursday, February 19, 2015

Can a Brand be Your Friend? FUCK No.


Gawker's Nick Denton thinks "a brand can be your friend".
I successfully refute his bullshit on Digiday. LINK.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Native Advertising is Killing Ad Creativity.


I wrote this for Digiday (LINK).
Please share it.
Thank you.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

copyranter®, Inc. is open for business!

(me, creating your great ideas)

I've (well actually my wonderful wife) registered the trademark copyranter®. So I'm now official as fuck.

You want great ad concepts? I'll give you them. Any medium. Any product, from toothpaste to SheMale escort services. Three campaigns for the price of one.

Brands? You want great 'branded content" ideas? I will give you better ideas than any big media website's "creative studio" (Gawker, Vice, etc.) could ever give you. I guaran-fucking-tee it. Then, you can take my idea to their studio and make them execute it. I'll hold their hands to make sure they don't fuck it up.

Also! If you creative studio creative directors want to bring in a hired gun who will give you five ideas better than what your inexperienced creatives could ever hatch, I'm here for you, too. You can even take all the credit, I don't give a crap.

I've given several of these creative studios the chance to hire me at a ridiculously cut rate. You know better than them. It's their loss.

I charge by the day.

Examples of my CLIO/One Show award-winning work available to serious inquirers.

copyranter@gmail.

I already have one client, so you won't be the first!

NOTE: I am trying to get out of the ad journalism profession, but people keep paying me to write about this inane industry. So, the ranting continues...

Wednesday, February 04, 2015

10 Awkward Stock Photos Of Businesspeople Holding Oversized Puzzle Pieces (With Undercurrents Of Sexual Tension).

Of all the depressing, cliched business theme stock photo sets, the "final piece of the puzzle" ones are the saddest. They make you want to give up your middle manager dreams and start a life of crime.

Again—for a reason that escapes me—I searched through thousands of photos to bring you this curated collection. Enjoy. Or, start planning your burglary spree.

Click images to enlarge.


Look at the dude's face, right. Oh yeah baby, you like it when I wiggle it around, don't you?


This time, the woman has the penis piece, a metaphor for "pegging".


He loves interracial porn, obviously, preferably black man/white woman.


If you know anything about Japanese porn, then you now that his red piece should be pixelated. Nice O face on her.


NO, I WANNA BE TOP THIS TIME.
GET YOUR TWINK ASS BACK HERE, BITCH.


Bob & Carol always liked a quickie before the big Friday lunch orgy started.


Ever do it on a conference room table, baby? C'mon, stop teasing me, can't you see I've got blue balls?


It's their first time.


Puzzle-fucked his way to the top.


Her (L): It's smaller than I imagined.
Him (R): I'm a grower, baby.
__________

PREVIOUSLY: the 19 worst "business teamwork" stock photos.

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