Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Big fake breasted 'Jersey Shore' ad banned because of big fake breasts.

(click ad) Explain your decision, Australian ASB:
"The Board noted that the woman in the advertisement is wearing a bikini and considered that this would be appropriate attire for a  beach setting. However, the Board noted that the focus of the advertisement is on the chest  and torso of the woman and the woman’s breasts are the focus of the advertisement and  comprise the majority of the image in the advertisement. The Board noted that the advertisement appears in bus shelters and has a broad audience which includes children and that in this context noting the size of the advertisement, the unavoidable focus for the viewing audience is the woman’s breasts. The Board considered that this level of nudity is confronting in the context."
Jesus. By the time they got done with that statement, they could have jerked off to the poster. Which they probably did. Via AdNews.
TITS—WHAT CAN'T THEY SELL? They can't sell 'Jersey Shore' Down Under.
Previously: Russian Butt Billboard Banned Because of Russian Butt (nsfw).

'Rise of the Planet of the Apes' billboard in Russia.

(click image via)
In the foreground: billboard for some bank. In Ekaterinburg. Good movie, says David Denby. Previously in funny Russian billboard juxtapositions: Moscow Messiah Cat Will Save You (money on cat food).

Squirrel Pic of the Day.

(click image via reddit)
If you know anything about squirrels, you know they'll do anything to get some seeds, including, now, French kiss a plastic rubber dinosaur.
Previous Squirrel Pic of the Day.
Related: the notorious squirrel lamp.

The creepiest child sexual abuse awareness ad ever.

(click ad)
And I've seen some seriously creepy ones previously (examples here and here). You have reddit to thank for digging up this German ad from 2004. Luckily for the girl, this appears to be Photoshop not a photoshoot. The ad is for this child protection organization. Ad agency: Scholz & Friends, Berlin. Like I've said. Germans. Perverts.

What would a David Lynch fruit snack commercial look like?


(via)
I don't know. But I'd wager that it would not be any stranger than this one via Saatchi & Saatchi NY. Jesus creepy Christ. This is all Skittles' fault. But the strange Skittles spots of recent years never really ventured into skeevy unappetizing territory (well, except for maybe the human tube sock one).
"You look delicious"? Holy pubescent boy sexual tension, Batman!

SH*T JOKE AD OF THE WEEK.


TAKE A SHEET! HA, THEY'RE ALL EATING SHEET!
 I'm back in the Pun ER.
This looks like a really quality product.
Previously in: Shit-related advertising.
Related: the most bizarre constipation ads ever.
Related: the most magnificent laxative ad ever (from 1919).

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Is the girl in this ad "inappropriately depicted in a sexualised manner?"

The ad, via Australian men's clothing brand Roger David, was banned earlier this month by the Aussie ASA because it "inappropriately depicted a young girl in a sexualised manner." Apparently the model gagging on a Union Jack button is not underage, but she looks like it—and was sure as shit meant to look like it. The UPC code on her shoulder reads 'SLAVE." In case you were wondering (oral sex), there is a concept (oral sex) here. Here is the concept, according to (oral sex) Roger David, who says the ad does not portray sex (ha), sexuality (HA), or nudity: 
"The image of the woman (is) a comment on youth and the national debt that now rests on their shoulders and as an ironic patriotic comment on capitalist recruitment and identity." Also: "The relevant audience for this advertisement is young men. Roger David strongly believes that young men would relate to this image, and would not see it as shocking or exploitative.”
Old man Dov Charney will be masturbating to it before the L.A. day is out.
Previously in sexualized underage models: Love's Baby SoftBMW.

copyranter hospitalized from pun overdose.

(click ad, via)
Ad is for some farmers market in South Africa.
Do they play rock music in their stores?
I do not know. Ad agency: unknown.
Is Ken Cole, the Puninator, working freelance?
Previous Ad Pun Overdoses:
POM tea.
Shoe-icide!
WaMu.
Effen vodka (I like these).
General Betray Us.
Give Peas A Chance.
Bud's InaugurALE.
• and BRITNEY SPEARS LADY GAGA.

Romanian Police anti-crime ad makes crime look really fun.

(click ad, via)
Whee! Crime Spree!
I don't get this. Maybe it's the translation? I can't access the url in the ad to find out more. Maybe they were overrun by criminals? Ad agency: Mercury 360. Previously, the Romanian police installed mini-roads in bar urinals to challenge drunks to piss a straight line. Also via Romania: the sexist car insurance commercial ever.

Let's examine a horrible bank billboard.

(click image)
• Lazy stock photo? √
• Red clip not "significantly" different? √
• Red not the best color for a bank? √
• Meaningless one word tagline? √
Snapped in Atlanta by Nikolaus.
Previous bad bank ads:
HSBC.
WaMu.
Chase.
Santander.
Deutsche.
Bank of New York.
Related: Bank Pen Wars! Chase vs. Commerce.

Hey look—Twitter did an ad!


(via Mashable) Update: idea stolen from xkcd?
And a timely, laughing-at-the-earthquake ad! Does this signal that the cute-as-a-button microblogging site is going to finally start spending some big, heavy, dirty ad cash? Hire me freelance, Biz! I'll give you 10 ideas better than this one, cheap! Note: the star of the video is Twitter software engineer Danny Hertz.
Related: Twitter Idiots (Twidiots?) of the Week: • SamsungEntenmann's • and the biggest Twitter idiot of all time, Kenneth Cole.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Remember when TV Satellite Dishes were this big?

(click image, from 1981, via)
I do, as I'm old.
Look at the size of that TV!
See many more now dead "buygone" products here.

Must See of the Day: This is how they're packaging meat in Amsterdam.

(click image)
According to Loes, who sent me the image, this is being done to relay that the killed animals had a better life. The Teddy Bears were placed in all the beef and pork packages. I'm guessing this is very pricey meat. Try explaining this to the kids.
Previously in the meat aisle:
Human trafficking awareness advertising comes to your local meat case.

Canadian hair salon promotes itself with domestic violence imagery.

(click ad)
Well, she's about to get a shiny diamond necklace to match her shiner, so all's well that ends well? Edgy. Ad is for the Fluid Salon in Edmonton.
Ad agency: unknown.
Related: Headless women in top Montreal hair salon ads.
update: the ad was emailed to me anonymously. It fits the Fluid campaign look (more ads here).
update #2: the salon owner defends the ad here.

Was Colonel Sanders a racist?

(click image)
Why? Just because he dressed like a plantation owner? Image via Behance, where the designer says about his project: "Using a brand icon to tackle issue of racial stereotype's (sic) to build cultural understanding." Previously:
• Ironic KFC sign is Moronic.
• Zombie Colonel Sanders abuses chickens in PETA spots.

Burger King in-restaurant poster is senseless.

(click image)
Snapped in a Tampa BK. Read it a couple of times. Take in the flaky, buttery stupidity. Be happy that you didn't write it. Now, go on with your day. Via flickr. Thanks Vinnie. I wonder if this is leftover cp+b work? Previous bad Burger King print ads: 100% wrong • and, the infamous sex doll blow job ad via Singapore.

Link Haze, 8/29/11.

(image via)
Mondays.
• cat gif.
Hurricat!
• Violent typeface.
• a QRST in Bushwick.
Photos of Moscow in the 1950s-60s.
• Old Navy + Night Ranger = puke in mouth.
• World's smallest toughest crossword puzzle.
• Dark humor TV spot for Diners Club, minus the humor.
• Make your head into a piece of candy, for some stupid reason.

The funniest Vegemite commercial I've ever seen.


(via)
But then, I'm a lifelong hockey player. This is a few months old, but it just started showing up on the ad posting sites now. So many funny moments: the seated goalie by the sea. The welder's helmet. "I'm a forward. A full forward." "Who?" Don't know how it sells Vegemite, don't care. Ad agency: JWT, Melbourne.
Related: five hockey ads ranging from hilarious to idiotic.

How an ad gets made.

(click image)
Using a tree swing as a metaphor.
Via this graphic designer.
Feels about right. Except the "What the Client Actually Wanted" visual should have been an aardvark, or something else not even remotely close to a tree swing.
Previously:
• Ad Creatives—this is your life.
• Chevy Super Bowl spot takes you deep inside the creative process.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

The winner of the Hurricane Irene sign competition is...

...this seafood restaurant in Wilmington, North Carolina. This one gets points for brazenness, though. Photo via. Previously: Hurricane Katrina begets new nickname for Crystal Meth.

The best piece of NYC street art ever in the history of NYC.

(click image, via Animal NY)
Graphic artist Jay Shells (his street name) is about to launch a social etiquette campaign with four very official looking signs he will be posting all over the city. Riffing off of the MTA logo, the signs are tagged "Metropolitan Etiquette Authority." Last year, Shells advised subway riders of proper behavior. I can't wait to see the other three signs. Note: You walking smartphone updaters (especially on 23rd street) deserve forearm shivers to your stupid faces. 
Previously in: cool street art.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Time Magazine's Gaddafi cover.

(click, via Laughing Squid)
By artist Tim O'Brien, who also created the creepy dead bin Laden Time cover back in May.

cRaZY Japan Ad of the Day: the 2nd craziest sushi commercial ever.


This is still the craziest sushi commercial ever.
But this one is very far from sane.
What the Hell does that set-up have to do with sushi?
See many more cRaZY Japanese ads here.
Update: I've switched to the subtitled version (thanks Vinnie).
It doesn't help explain things much.

New phunny phallic Justin Bieber sculpture.

(click image, via Animal NY)
Yes, that's a Sylvester penis with Tweety Bird balls. It's a bronze work by Daniel Edwards called "Allegory of a Teen Sex Symbol (Justin Bieber)." It's now showing at the Cory Allen Contemporary Art gallery. From their website:
"Daniel wanted to create a work that opens a dialogue about the inevitable exploitation of teen sex symbols as they grow from child stars to adults, like we’ve seen with past celebutantes Lindsay, Miley, and Britney,” said the artist’s representative Cory Allen.
“It would be naïve and hypocritical for anyone to be offended by this simple sculpture, yet be apathetic towards the plethora of images to which they subject themselves on a daily basis,” said Daniel Edwards, “I stand by the work.” Does he shape himself like a penis when he stands next to it?
Edwards' previous work includes naked Britney Spears giving birth, Suri Cruise's first poop, and Ted Williams' dead head.
Previously: Vampire Justin Bieber has air-sex in his "Someday" commercial.

Male Sexual Performance Enhancer Ad Friday.

(click ad, via)
Whaddya think? Two men, one woman? Two women, one man? Three men? The ad makes the ol' Viagra Whiskey Dicks hard as hickory. Ad agency: DraftFCB, Cape Town. Previously:
Hong Kong dong pills (nsfw).
8 Viagra ads from around the world.

Pro-God billboard is perfect anti-God billboard.

(click image, via Work That Matters)
God must have been away on business (h/t Tom Waits) when this was run up the flagpole. It's via Mansfield, Ohio, erected by this church in response to this atheism campaign. The Devil himself couldn't have subverted this effort any better.
Previously:
• today's church sign from Hell.
• God ad named UK's most annoying.
• Bill Gates, Warren Buffet are Good Without God.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

And here's a recent ad that mocked Steve Jobs.

(click ad, via) The ad, for a Swiss newspaper, is a couple of months old, but now's a good time to trot it out. No wonder Jobs resigned; he's been battling a nasty case of internal Moses. Anyway, Sonnstag Zeitung has been using this nesting doll visual device in their advertising for a few years now. Previously, they used it to mock Barack Obama's economic policy, Nicolas Sarkozy's temperament and stature, and George W. Bush's leadership. Ad agency: Advico Y&R, Zurich.

Quite possibly, the stupidest beer commercial ever.


It's so stupid, you think it has to be a parody of a stupid beer commercial. But a parody would be, you know, funny. One does almost have to admire the complete lack of tact with that ass shot, though. Wow. Beer brands: forever portraying men as complete fucking morons.

Jersey Shore—the talking pens.

(click image, via reddit)
Do they curse?
Do they talk in complete sentences?
Fifteen bucks?!?
Maybe the Mayans are gonna be right.
Previously:
Jersey Shore—the toothpaste.

Buy A Prius, save a Panda!

(click ad, via)
Yep. They played the Panda Card.
That's just so cheap.
Previously, in Israel, Prius played the Farting Sheep Card. And last year, Nissan played the Polar Bear Card to sell its electric Leaf model.
Ad agency: DraftFCB, Johannesburg.
Previous Panda Card players:
• the Sea Shepherds.
• the Manitoba Potato Growers.

European stock photo house mocks America.



(click ads, via)
There's a funny line or two in these.
But they should've been much funnier. And a lot nastier.

Ad Creatives—is this your life?

(click image, via Munna on the run)
Needs many, many more snakes.
And much, much more cynicism.
Previously:
Copywriters are Douchebags—The Infographic.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Graffiti Wars getting ugly in Brooklyn.

It's the vilest thing you can call a Williamsburg fauxhemian. Your move, Brad. On Marcy Avenue. Via New York Shitty. Previously in: Graffiti I understand.

The most racially/sexually/religiously-charged...cookie ad ever!

(click ad, via)
This is quite a campaign for Fluff & Stuff cookies via Malaysia. Yesterday, you saw the gayest cookie ad ever, featuring a peanut butter twink between a buff sailor and a ripped construction worker. Here, a hot white nun in fishnets prays between a black gangsta and a black boxer. Oh, you're gettin' eaten, sweetheart. Ad agency: Grey, Kuala Lumpur. Related: the O-Bam-EO.

Copywriting Hall of Fame or Shame, round two.

(click ad, via reddit)
Previously in this Frito-Lay series, an ad for Ruffles Molten Hot Wings implored you to "Punch your mouth in its face." Another line I've seen on a Doritos kiosk asked consumers to "Slap your tongue in its mouth." I also remember a taste buds execution, but can't remember the exact line. These, of course, could go on forever. Write some in the comments, if you want. Dick jokes encouraged.

Russian bank commercial features rock anthem, sex dolls, and exploding Lenin's tomb.


(via)
It's time again for Russian Ad Watch, where we watch Russian ads with nearly complete incomprehension. This vaguely 1984-ish spot is for TCS Bank. Could somebody please translate the v/o at the end? Something about cobwebs and the Internet? Bruce Willis, who endorses another Russian bank, would approve of the demolition of Lenin''s tomb, I'm sure. Previous insane Russian TV spots here.
Update: see comments for translation.

Ad people ain't too good at math.

(click ad, via James Inspired)
And, neither is Nature Valley, apparently.
They'd need to include 3 bars in each pack, right?
Or, change the percentage to 100%.
Or, put twice the flavor crystals in each bar.
Maths are hard.
Related: Calculus is SEX.

Husband to Weight Watchers wife: "Your boobies poke out more than your belly."


(via)
This was apparently a real testimonial quote shared on Weight Watchers' Australian facebook page by a weight-losing wife. Either that, or a prankster is fucking with them. Did "Kerri" really appreciate that "compliment" from her loving husband? Jesus. What's next? A Weight Watchers husband sharing a "I can see your penis again" compliment from his loving wife? Ad agency: BMF Sydney.
Previous insulting weight loss ads:
• Fat people are easier to shoot.
• Fat clinic compares fat women to whales/cows.
• Fat clinic trots offensive Before/After ambient stunt.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The gayest cookie ad ever!

(click ad, via)
Check out the raging chubby on sailor boy! He and construction guy are gonna break off a piece of that twinkie and fill him with cream, amirite fellas?
Ad agency: Grey, Kuala Lumpur. Previously:
• the gayest church ad ever.
• the gayest fabric dye ad ever.
• the gayest karate school ads ever.
• the gayest toothbrush commercial ever.

City of Belgrade asks ladies to pick up their dog poop so men can then stare at their butts.


(click ads, via) Doggystyle! Fuck yeah! Posters via the Serbian capital urging women to clean up after their pooches and, secondarily, urging men to jerk off on park benches. Where's the thong action? Hey, it's a tongue-in-cheek (heh) campaign. Ad agency: McCann Erickson, Belgrade. Add it to my big, round, ample ASSVERTISING Archive.

Retro Sexist Ad of the Week: Does your husband (GASP) look younger than you?

(click ad, via)
"You may side-step the tragedy that ovetakes so many wives..." Either get lookin' younger, wifey, or hubby's gonna get lookin' for a younger wife.
This is still the worst retro sexist ad ever.
And here's a round-up of seven retro sexist ads.

"Green Lantern" promoted via flashing green bike wheels.


(via)
The movie opened in Brazil last Friday. So last week, 50 tools riding these insidious bikes hit the night streets of Rio and São Paulo to push the panned film to the locals. YOU WILL BE ADVERTISED TO. The relentless 21st century Ad Creep invasion into every nook and cranny of your daily lives continues...

Cat litter bag features an apparently constipated cat.

(click image, via tousled bird mad girl)
"Kitty goes potty for it."
Well, he/she looks like he/she badly needs to.
Cat litter ads: DisgustingFull of Shit.

How does an investment firm advertise in this f*cked financial market?

(click ad, via)
Toronto's Sentry Investments presents an oblique "vision" joke. Sure sure, Mr. Suspenders here sees things clearer than those big investment bank analysts. Look at him staring into The Future. Patiently. He stands there for an hour every morning before even turning on his computer. He's thinking, non-stop, about your equity. And jumping. Ad agency: Clean Sheet Communications. Previously:
• the dumbest investment ad ever.
• the most depressing investment ad ever.

Won't you join this douchebag atop Frank Gehry's new NYC high-rise?

(click ad)
He wears Paul Smith. He rocks a Les Paul. His favorite recent movie was "Paul." Won't you join this massive d-bag on the now-open upper floors of the largest residential tower in the Western Hemisphere? Listen as he butchers basic AC/DC chord progressions. At 3am. Long Live Rock, etc. Oh, by the way, that shit you stepped in on Spruce Street was via his French Bulldog. Scanned from the September Gotham, of course.
Previous NYC real estate ad douchebags:
• the Platinum douchebags.
• the Williamsburg douchebags.
• the west Cheslea douchebags.
• the East Side douchebag Mother.
• the Corcoran Hamptons douchebag.
• the Carnegie Hill douchebag family.
• and, the One Brooklyn Bridge Park douchebags.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Hey copyranter! Is American Apparel still using topless models in their porny ads? (nsfw)

(click ad)
Yes, concerned reader/masturbator. Yes they are. Meet Eliana. There's a party in her pants. And, after the pants-optional CEO leaves, you're invited. Topless pants ads (nsfw) are the thing lately at AA. That, and bare-assed-ness (nsfw).

What do Mac fan boys do in their spare time?


(click images, via Behance)
They make Mac fan boys.
This is why the world hates Mac fan boys.
Related: adbusters iPad ad.

And here's an ad with a bee filming a bird's private parts.

(click ad, via)
Vodacom is a South African mobile telecom. Ad is promoting their adult content management. Ad agency: DraftFCB, Johannesburg. Bees, perverts. Birds, sluts. Any question, kids? If it was "up to me," I'd just send them to RedTube, and tell them to write down their questions. The dirty birds/bees thing was done much better two years ago by a Danish erotic boutique (sfw).

This new Beck's beer spot sure is pretty.


(via) It's introducing Beck's Vier (4% alcohol) beer in bottles in the UK. Like I said, pretty. I don't know if this is part of Beck's new augmented reality art thing called the Green Box Project. Maybe you know. Ad agency: Mother, London. Previously: Heineken "Handlebar Mustache" spot sells the crap out of handlebar mustaches.

The dinosaurs were about 1,000-feet tall, according to these Utah zoo ads.


(click ads, via)
It's nit pick Monday! So, mildly cute ads for Hogle Zoo's Zoorassic Park attraction. But, all kinds of scale problems, right? Dinosaurs, way too big. Or maybe not? Maybe the giraffe and elephant are way too small? The bowls are oversized, but the walls and floors aren't? Help me, art directors. And, are the animals hiding, or are they dino meals? It's fun to nit pick! Ad agency: Richter7, Salt Lake City. See four more cute/cool zoo ads here. Related: Dinosaurs were killed off by STDs?

The Most Magnificent Mustard Ad Ever.

(click ad, from 1895, via)
Previously:
• The most magnificent beer ad ever.
• The most magnificent cigarette ad ever.
• The most magnificent gay bath house ad ever.

DOBLER.

(click image, via Pop Rocks & Coke)
"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."

Kurt Cobain blew his brains out to bring you this ad.

(click ad, via)
Because jocks and grunge rockers have such a strong connection that makes for a sublimely perfect muscle cream ad. The tagline really ties the concept together nicely. Ad agency: The Library, Brisbane. Previously in dead Kurt Cobain ads:
• the infamous Dr. Martens ad.
• selling sun block in the Philippines.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

1984 anti-abortion commercial.


(via Buzzfeed) I don't know if it's exactly 1984, but that was the year "The Terminator" was released. I like the black balloons, nice touch, amateur commercial maker. This year, one American religious group has used Obama and a stock photo of a cute little black girl in their anti-abortion billboards.

This kid should be our next President.

(click image, via)
I, of course, hate kids.
But not this kid.

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