DEUTSCH MARK. February 2007.
"UNLESS YOU'RE BORN A BUSINESS PHENOM— which most people (wouldn't that be ALL people, Mr. Deutsch?), including me, are not—" blah blah blah...This half of an axiom from a man who was handed an ad agency by Daddy. Anyway, on to the TENETS!!!!!!!!!!
- GO BIG. Do chest & back on the same day to reeeeally get that flex.
- STAY AHEAD OF THE TRENDS. I just bought a closet-full of striped shirts.
- KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE. Here in Gotham magazine, people just look at the pretty people pictures, so it doesn't matter what the fuck I write.
- WORK LIKE HELL. But look like Heaven. (see pic)
- ZIG WHEN OTHERS ZAG. Write clichés when others don't.
- BRAND BRAND, BRAND. Douche. Douche. Douche.
- DO! Every day, I row out into New York harbor to meet all the boats, instead of waiting for them to come to me.
- NEVER SIT STILL. Even in the Dentist's chair.
- USE THE POWER OF SELF-ENTITLEMENT. I don't know, it sounded good in my head.
- BE FLEXIBLE. I do stretches and suck my own dick every morning.
1. The Deutsch/Trump '69'
2. Donny Douche sits down with Ted Turner.
3. Donny Douche continues to break the Big stories.
4. Cosmic Blob supplants Deutsch's ego...
5. Donny Deutsch Mark!