Thursday, January 25, 2007

DEUTSCH MARK. February 2007.


"UNLESS YOU'RE BORN A BUSINESS PHENOM— which most people (wouldn't that be ALL people, Mr. Deutsch?), including me, are not—" blah blah blah...This half of an axiom from a man who was handed an ad agency by Daddy. Anyway, on to the TENETS!!!!!!!!!!
  1. GO BIG. Do chest & back on the same day to reeeeally get that flex.
  2. STAY AHEAD OF THE TRENDS. I just bought a closet-full of striped shirts.
  3. KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE. Here in Gotham magazine, people just look at the pretty people pictures, so it doesn't matter what the fuck I write.
  4. WORK LIKE HELL. But look like Heaven. (see pic)
  5. ZIG WHEN OTHERS ZAG. Write clichés when others don't.
  6. BRAND BRAND, BRAND. Douche. Douche. Douche.
  7. DO! Every day, I row out into New York harbor to meet all the boats, instead of waiting for them to come to me.
  8. NEVER SIT STILL. Even in the Dentist's chair.
  9. USE THE POWER OF SELF-ENTITLEMENT. I don't know, it sounded good in my head.
  10. BE FLEXIBLE. I do stretches and suck my own dick every morning.
previously in Donny Deutsch:
1. The Deutsch/Trump '69'
2. Donny Douche sits down with Ted Turner.
3. Donny Douche continues to break the Big stories.
4. Cosmic Blob supplants Deutsch's ego...
5. Donny Deutsch Mark!

4 Comments:

Blogger ko said...

genius.

1:29 AM  
Blogger Jetpacks said...

Everyone is zigging when others zag.

Which means if you really want to be bigtime mogul, you need to start zagging.

10:56 AM  
Blogger Frank said...

Not to be difficult, but if DD can do #10, then I have to say more power to him!

10:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Frank, I've always found that "act" to be a bit of a hetero puzzle. Even if you could do it, would you? I mean, you'd have a member in your mouth. Yours, yes, but still a member.

That said, I guess I wish I could find out the ramifications for myself.

2:46 PM  

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