Swiss herbal cough drop maker Ricola
(They don’t work any better than a Jolly Rancher, believe me. I worked on a Ricola pitch as a freelancer. Taste good though.) is running a promotion this Winter wherein a person who gives the “Mystery Cougher
”—an actor fake
coughing—a Ricola cough drop may win a million bucks. The supposed Cougher will supposedly be in NYC this Friday
Let’s take a look-see at this moment in Promotion Retardation
from a local POV
. I’ll use Marketing Director-friendly (Most of them are illiterate, believe me. I write their business letters.) Bullet Points
• Have you Dillweeds
ever riddin’ a subway? A person could blow through a case during one 20 minute trip without moving his/her feet. More importantly, the cough drop giver-outer would also probably be socked/stabbed/spit on 4-5 times. That’s a conservative estimate.
• Because... city people
don’t like to be looked at, let alone talked to, LET ALONE offered a FUCKING cough drop from a FUCKING stranger that could be poison in a Ricola wrapper for all we know.
• Could you have AT THE LEAST included a disclaimer eliminating all the poor sick cold homeless folk
as the potential mystery hacker?
• This Promotion is of course Bullshit
, people. There is NO mystery cougher. Oh, the million bucks will be “given away”—to some fucking patsy
in Buttfuck, Redstate.