Friday, May 05, 2006

Balvenie Weenie, Cinco de Mayo edition.


Last time I visited with the Balvenie Weenie, we explored some deathbed pickup lines the mouth-less douche bag might employ. Today (click image), let's give him some better Cinco de Mayo lines:
• "I don't drink Margaritas because they make my sperm taste like shit."
• "This one scotch costs more than most day laborers make in a week! Yuckity yuck yuck...
• "Can I fuck you?"

If you want, please put your words in his nonexistent mouth in the comments.

25 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

the guy on the poster doesn't even have a mouth

10:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Plus, I really enjoy saying "fish taco."

10:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Mmmph mmm muh mu mm-mm, mrph muuhh mm muh muh."


(You try talking with no mouth)

11:24 AM  
Blogger David said...

"Hey Puta-

Nothing says Cinco de Mayo quite like a Dirty Sanchez. Por favor, senorita, bend over, let's get it done. Oye Pachegamos!"

11:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you even know what a plethora is?

12:00 PM  
Blogger David said...

"And we will prune the hedges.. of many small villages.. and Rape the horses.. and Ride off on the women!"

12:10 PM  
Anonymous shadow said...

i've come from lake titicaca to raie a glass

plus, i really like enjoy saying: chili con carne

12:15 PM  
Anonymous LisaBinDaCity said...

"I have never had sex with a woman before. If I buy you enough of these, do you think you might be drunk enough to cinco my mayo?"

12:37 PM  
Blogger Make the logo bigger said...

“Pardon me my dear, but you simply look Mexcellent tonight.”

12:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have no tongue but I can sniff a pretty good anus. Happy Mexico day.

12:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Fuck, I keep forgetting I don't have any orifices. You want this?"

12:47 PM  
Blogger bowling with no panties said...

"Buenos Noches. I leave nothing to chance! You can tell by the fact that I'm drinking Balvenie. In fact, I frequently use foreign holidays as an excuse to quaff Balvenie imprudently, Bastille Day anyone?

Oh yes, I am quite tolerant of my swarthy brethren, and am quite glad they are independent of Spain. Was it Spain?

Details are unimportant.

What is important is that I am about three drinks shy of ravishing you, you lovely thing.

What is even more important is how many Balvenies do YOU need in order to go ankles up on the back 9, Hmmm?

Oh, yes, and I really enjoy saying RU82."

12:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I lost my mouth and leg in the war but you'd never know it. Thank god for mental telepathy and this super huge penis propping me up. Happy Mexico day.

1:02 PM  
Blogger Noblesse Oblige said...

"On this Mexico day, I Pledged to hump atleast one immigrant. You sure you dont have any documents right?"

1:05 PM  
Blogger J.J. Gittes said...

I am absolutely using the "Mexcellent" line tonight.

2:03 PM  
Blogger Make the logo bigger said...

j.j., cred where cred is due. I found it here: http://www.blacktable.com/waxing050505.htm

Which came from their funny-ass review of cinco dating ads from craig's list
http://www.blacktable.com/blair050506.htm

2:33 PM  
Blogger The Man Himself said...

A good-natured romp through the bungalows of Thailand, a soothing steam shower in the natural swamps of Madagascar, or a relaxing Punch cigar on top of the snowy white mountains of Peru; these are the retreats every leisurely gentlemen aspires to enjoy. But how does one determine leisure from work? One man may consider tending his sweet garden of rosemary and arugula a "day off" if you will, but another man might find this task to be the most taxing of them all. Shall we have sex?

3:08 PM  
Anonymous shadow said...

hey The Man Himself:
you're kinda standing like the Balvenie fella

4:20 PM  
Blogger Evil Discussor said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:37 PM  
Blogger Evil Discussor said...

"I would love it if you would take that plant behind you and stick it in your bum. That, I would love."

4:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For Cinco de Mayo, I gave my maid a ticket home to Mexico. She just cried and cried during the entire ride to JFK - couldn't understand a damn word she said. Touching. Very touching.

Like to go to my place and tidy up a bit?

10:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perhaps we should go for dinner...girls never expect a roufie in food.

3:59 PM  
Anonymous word pimp said...

Cinco de Fucko

9:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shiloh? Really? What a fucking weirdo name.

6:01 PM  
Anonymous Rich Copernicus said...

(Talk balloon comment) So, my friend says, "By the way, what day does Cinco de Mayo fall on this year?"

6:16 PM  

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